How to be Socially Awkward

Don't really know how to start this.

If you didn't already know, this post is going to help all you socially awkward people excel in your line of work, just because we know that there is no hope for us, so we may as well embrace the awkwardness. Therefore, due to my vast experience over the years, I am going to try and educate you all in the art that is awkward, an art that has gotten me (not so) very far in life. But anyway, if any of you are actually still reading this, here you go, my top 5 tips of being socially inept:

1. If someone attractive/nice/normal smiles or greets you, make sure that there is something in front of you to trip on or walk into. My personal favourites are large bins or the occasional door.  

2. Never think before you speak, just say whatever random thing you can, even if it has no relevance to the conversation. I once zoned out after saying someone's name, and they turned round and asked what was up, to which I panicked after forgetting why I said their name, and replied 'I just wanted to say your name'. So guys, remember, if you're having a bad day, just be thankful that you aren't me. This was 5 years ago, and I still get reminded of it. 

3. After saying something ridiculous, always make sure that you make yourself go as bright red as possible. That way, people will think you're some kind of weird tomato thing, and the stupid sentence you just said won't be as bad any more. Also, the more people present, the better.

4. If you’re sat with someone you find attractive, firstly well done, but secondly, just try and stay as casual as you can, even if you do feel nauseous. I was once sat with the lad that I really liked in a bar, and the conversation was going really well, until I started feeling a bit dizzy. I proceeded to ignore it (stupidly), as it came from nowhere and I felt perfectly fine, but actually ended up being sick. In front of him. On the bright side, it wasn't on him, which makes it less embarrassing. However, this lad actually ended up asking me out (6 months later), but hey, we are still together 4 years later. Very surprising, as I did end up embarrassing myself a lot after this, but I guess being able to laugh off my embarrassment worked in my favour. 

5. If you meet your best mate's boyfriend for the first time, make sure there are never any awkward silences. For example, my best mate, her boyfriend and I were sat down by the river, and there was an awkward silence. Therefore, I panicked and looked around for some inspiration. Unfortunately for me, the only thing I saw was a group of geese, so I went on to make a goose noise. Yes, you read correctly, I honked at my friend's new boyfriend. From then on, there were no more awkward silences, as they were filled with laughter at my expense. Plus, I made her look great, as she looked like she was a nice person, being friends with the weird goose kid. (This unfortunately sums up my life.)

So there you go, my 5 top tips on how to be socially awkward. And I can promise, due to unfortunate experience, that they do work. Good luck my fellow social rejects, may you forever find yourself in awkward and embarrassing situations.

Much love,

Grace x