2018: The Year of Realising Stuff (and Feeling Better For It)

So, in the very wise words of Kylie Jenner, 2018 is the year of realising stuff. Well, with a couple of the facts changed. She said 2016 was the year of realising stuff, but hey, we're all different. 2018 is the year that I, Grace, am realising stuff. 

I genuinely don't know where I was going with that.

Basically, I just feel like I've grown up a hell of a lot in the past couple of months. Not a clue as to why, maybe it's because I am now 21(!!!) and have obviously developed a lot of wisdom in my old age. In the words of Joey Tribbiani, I am very wisdomous.

Lol, let's be honest, no I'm not. 

I still laugh at stupid things and sometimes give the worst advice (lol, soz to all my friends who I have been no help to). But I'm overcoming my mistakes and realising that actually, it doesn't matter, and I'm allowed to mess up or laugh at stupid things, which I guess is kinda mature, right? Plus, I am never gonna stop laughing at stupid things, but let's be honest, who would want to give up that trait? Weirdos, that's who.

I don't know, I think I have just realised that there is more to life than how people perceive me, which played a big part in how I acted. I was quite reserved as a teenager, just because I was scared about what people though of me, but I quickly learnt that it didn't matter, as if I spoke up I was annoying and if I was quiet then I was boring. There is just no pleasing some people. 

It has literally taken me 21 years to realise this. 21 years. For god's sake, Grace.

Instead of dwelling on things, such as how someone may have taken something I had said which was harmless, but could have been perceived as not, or worrying about how I look when I go to the shops, I have started thinking 'who am I trying to impress?'. I literally do not know the answer to this question. I mean, I wear make up for me, because I like experimenting with it, and I feel more confident with it on, because I no longer look/feel like a child that hasn't slept in 21 years.

It's just that, I have finally realised that who cares? Who literally gives a shit if I put mascara on and it went clumpy, or have my jeans accidentally tucked into my very colourful socks. Yes, it was an accident, but it was an excellent fashion statement.

I have been doing work experience in London for the past two weeks, and I genuinely feel like a different person because of it. I mean, I am in no way a confident person (anyone will tell you that), but I have just learnt to fake it 'til you make it. I am staying in London, by myself, travelling on the tube everyday, by myself, sitting in restaurants and eating, BY MYSELF. And I know this doesn't sound like much to some people, but to someone who has pretty bad social anxiety, this is a massive win for me. 

All because I don't actually care what people think of me anymore. And the people who do have an opinion and who are negative towards me when I have literally done nothing to offend them or anyone else, well they can just do one. I just don't care anymore. I'm gonna do what makes me happy, have fun, be kind and enjoy life, because what is the point of always being worried about other people?

As someone who has constantly been self conscious, I know that if you're reading this and you are how I used to be, then this may seem like something that will never happen. But I promise that it will, and always know that it genuinely doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, as long as you're being kind and you're happy, do whatever the hell you want. 

I always do the year method. If you're wondering what this is, it is well-known, and probably has a better name than the 'year method', but this is just what I call it because I can't remember what it's actually called...

So basically, think about what you're worried about and think, will this be an issue in a year? Or even a month? And the answer is almost always no. Plus, you're probably never gonna see these people again, so just do you!

Toxic people, be gone!! *insert that girl emoji with her arms crossed over her face*

Jesus, I guess my realising stuff hasn't stretched to how to describe emojis.

Thanks for reading my very rambly post, but I felt like I just needed to get this out, as I know younger Grace would have loved to have read something like this, as I genuinely did think I would always be that way. But hey, being 21 has changed me. I am a changed woman. I can now drink in the US. I mean, this isn't helpful at all, as I don't live there, but it's always nice to know.

Much love amigos, 

Grace x