Don't Be So Hard On Yourself

In the words of Jess Glynne, don't be so hard on yourself, no.

I mean, I really don't like that song as it has been waaaay too overplayed, but I feel like it's pretty relevant. I often sit and think oh crap, I have literally done nothing with my life, and I have no experience, and I'm never going to get a job, and I am going to have to live in a box in the street labelled Grace's Box and children will call me crazy box lady. Yes, I got all of that from I have done nothing with my life.

But then I stop for a second and think, actually, I have done something with my life. I mean, I may not have 5 years worth of experience in the field I want to go into, which many job applications ask for (lol, why is this a thing??), but I have done some stuff. I have travelled to some pretty cool places, I have gotten into university, and I have moved abroad. BY MYSELF. Take that, anxiety.

I guess I just see all of these people all over social media doing amazing things, and these people are my age, or only a couple of years older, and I am sat in on a Friday night watching reruns of Friends and eating chocolate muffins (I have no regrets), but I often think, why aren't I doing that? But then I think, Jesus Christ Grace, give yourself a break. I mean, I'm only 21 (which I hate admitting, I was asked for my age the other day and I said 20 by accident, and when I realised I was in fact not 20 anymore, I genuinely died a little inside. Well, not really, but it's a scary thought). Hey, I haven't travelled the world (I can hear my bank account crying at the prospect of this #studentproblems) and I don't have an amazing job, but I'm doing okay. I am quite content with where I am.

I think I just need to get into the mentality of the fact that things don't just happen. You have to work for them, and if they don't happen, then just try again. Resilience is the key.

See, I'm a grown up. I use words like resilience and talk about a positive mentality.

On a serious note though, I'm in Italy, eating pizza every day, and loving life. I mean, my social anxiety is currently horrendous, and I sometimes struggle to leave the apartment, but I am getting there. Not every day will be the same, and I will get through this. When my mental health is bad, it's incredibly hard to think that it won't always be like this, but I'm getting there.

I think the whole prospect of finishing university next year kinda terrifies me, and I just have no clue as to where I'm going to be next summer. Will I get a job, will I not, will I end up getting Grace's Box and having children shout at me in the street? Who knows? But I guess that's all part of the fun.

Thanks for reading my rambly post, I feel like I just needed to sit at my laptop and write, as I have been feeling a bit crappy recently. I love that I can just sit and write exactly what I've been thinking and the fact that it automatically makes me feel better. It's as if I can finally rationalise what I've been thinking, and be like, hold on a minute, to tackle this, I need to do this. I bloody love my blog, you know?

Much love amigos,

Grace x